What's in a Feeling

It took me years to workout on a regular basis. Because the painful sensation of burning muscles, outweighed my desire to look good. It also took me years to perform on stage. Because the painful feeling of possible shame, outweighed my desire to be a better performer. In both cases, I was just fine without satisfying those desires. So I opted to stay comfortable. But at the time, if I knew I could have those things without pain, I would have done them in a heart beat.

In the gym, I've often heard phrases like "feel the burn" and "pain is weakness leaving the body". Despite making me laugh, I understand how it's motivating in the short term. But I don't think it has any long term affects, unless you're a masochist. So instead of thinking about those feelings as burning pain, I thought of them as intense and exciting. Like a saturated feeling of being alive. And as it turns out, those feelings were susceptible to my interpretations! Not only has this trick kept me in the gym, it realigned my reason for being there. Now, it's less about body image, and more about feeling good and being alive.

So this all got me thinking about my stage fright, which was bad. And I used to look for ways to suppress those feelings because of how bad they felt. I even considered "beta blockers", because I heard some classical musicians take them to stop the-shakes. But when I saw how to reinterpret those feelings, everything changed. I decided that my beating heart, before stepping on stage, wasn't about fear. It was just an indicator of something exciting about to happen. So I did more than embrace the feeling, I began to seek it out.

Sensations have no opinions. It's how we choose to interpret them. There is no good or bad feeling, just an opinion that makes it so. Like the feeling of dread, or joy, or just before you have to poop. These are all just feelings. Evolution does play an important part. But in using our imagination, we have the capacity to override our lizard brain, when it's safe to of course. 

Now I'm not saying all feelings can or should be reinterpreted. Sadness, for example, doesn't have to be something else. To feel a break-up, or loss of a loved one, is a profound human feeling. And to spin that into something else, would deny ourselves of what it means to be alive. So the key is to register these feelings on a case by case basis, and adjust accordingly. 

Sadness can be cathartic and restorative, but also exhausting and inhibiting. Fear tells us to run from giant cats, but may also stop us from our dreams. Pain can be a sign that we're growing, but also a sign that we should stop. We need to choose what's best for us in those moments. It will take honesty and courage sometimes. And if it's just too difficult, that's ok, too! Maybe you need more space and time. There's no obligation to be, or feel, or do anything in the world, except what you feel like doing (so long as it doesn't hurt anyone else). 

The only exception, of course, is that feeling before you go poop. There's only one way to interpret that. You need to poop.

Yours truly,

Matthew Cooper