How To Like People
Sometimes, I'll find myself not liking someone for no good reason. Maybe it's their clothing, music choice, or because they're popping their gum. Sometimes, I won't like someone, and I won't even know why! Hopefully, you can relate.
When you live in a big city, the mind is on high alert for who’s on your side and who isn’t. That's basic evolution, baby. Who's a member of my tribe, and who's an outsider? Judgments happen fast, because it used to be a matter of life or death. But now that we're civilized (depending who you ask), there's less need for snap judgments. Especially now that our "tribes" are expanding faster than ever. And those who appear to be our foe, may actually be a friend we haven't met.
I'm not saying you can't dislike people. I know a few people I prefer not to be around. Sometimes, our judgments are right. And there's nothing wrong with following your instincts on a case by case basis. But disliking people is mentally draining. So let's give people the benefit of the doubt, because it feels better.
Not everyone is likable, but there's one basic truth, we all want to be liked. We all want to feel like we’re invited to the party. So it’s nice to assume everyone's invited, before we ask to see their invitation. It's the golden rule for a reason.
How can we do this? It's not easy! Worthwhile things rarely are. But I have mental trick which allows us to judge people at first glance, and still like them. All you need is your imagination... Be forewarned, this could get sappy.
Imagine those you judge at first glance, have huge and luxurious angle wings, only you can see. Imagine this person is someone's guardian angel. You don’t have to be religious for this to work. I’m not religious, and find this extremely helpful. If you try this, I think you'll find it difficult to dismiss people, based on surface level traits.
If the angel wings are not your style, maybe try giving them a super-hero cape. A big flappy one, blowing in the wind. But again, only YOU can see this, no one else. When you see the good in people, when no one else can, it's easy to like them.
This doesn't work as well with people you have good reason to hate. So if you have to be around them, imagine your own set of angel wings, and you might find yourself being more understanding. You may realize they too need a guardian angel. Not someone to "save" them. Just someone who quietly understands. Someone who knows we're all fighting our own battles...
Hope you find this as helpful as I do.
Your friend,
Matthew Cooper
P.S. Here's a film recommendation:Wings of Desire, by Wim Wenders.It's among the greatest things ever done. Not just in film, but in human history.
