Jealous of Your Friend's Success?

How I feel about a friends success, is often based on my own success. When I’m doing well, their success is welcome, even encouraged. But when I’m struggling, their success can make me so jealous, it's toxic. To the point where seeing them do well, makes me sick of myself. Now, I enjoy having friends, so I put a smile on my face and congratulate them. But I’m not always happy about it. Instead, I get all self critical, and wonder why I’m not good enough.

I'm not proud of this. I'm actually ashamed, and surprised I'm even sharing this with you. But maybe someone out there has felt the same way. So here's what I've learned:

Following some bad advice, I tried using this jealous energy as motivation. But you should know, working hard to achieve something driven by jealousy doesn't breed happiness, it destroys it. Because your self worth is governed by forces beyond your control. After all, when you compare, there's despair. 

So I started thinking about who my friends are, and why we became friends in the first place. It wasn't because of their success, material wealth, or social presence. But because of a feeling. Which I can best describe as solidarity. Or an inside joke that we both understood, having just met each other.

And the only friendships that grew, were those that weren't measured by success or failure. Because they weren't measured at all. I'm not saying competition is out of the question. But there's a difference between friendly competition, and that which is motivated by ego. Friends are not yard sticks, to be measured against our own self worth. Real friends are comrades, fighting the same battle you are.

This has not been a cure-all. No doubt the green-eyed-monster still lives inside me. But understanding what triggers the beast, makes her easy to tame. Which means the health of my friendships can improve. Stronger friendships, means a happier me. A happier me, means success :) 

Your friend, 

Matt Cooper