Notifications Make Me Sick
Photo by Anthony Waldron
Dear reader,
Have you ever had a ghost notification? When you feel the phone buzz, you look down, only to find a black mirror staring back? It's a scary moment. Not because Siri might be possessed by the demon known as Jikininki, but because you could have a sickness, like me.
There was a period, in July of this year, where I felt something was off. It's not that I was depressed, but it was a form of apathy. Although, it wasn't clear why I was feeling that way, so I went back through my journals for clues.
I keep private journals for many reasons:
To justify my stupid expensive briarwood fountain pen.
To develop good penmanship, which I feel is a lost charm.
To learn to be a better writer and thinker, in the absence of cut and paste.
To stop the ricocheting thoughts inside my skull.
To have good reading material for planes and trains.
To keep a record of personal development or decline (this is where my journal writing came in handy).
Looking back over my journals, I noticed words like fatigue, malaise, apathy and so on. Then I noticed the time stamps. My journaling went from a 10:00am, when I was most happy, to 3:00pm, when those key words showed up. An interesting observation, I thought.
As a test, I went back to my morning journal writing routine. I woke up the next day, pulled out my journal, and out of habit, quickly checked my notifications. Email, twitter, Instagram, etc. My morning was being frittered away. I'd even check for another email, without the notification! Like checking the fridge for food, when you know there isn't any.
I felt it was necessary to break from social media and turn off notifications, for at least a month. The first week was tough. There was an itch to check, constantly. But I desperately needed the detox. So I kept to a strict information diet. No internet, email, text, calls, news or outside influence of any kind, for the first hour of my day. I wanted my mornings to be mine again. where I could focus on things which are important to me. But that's an impossible task when you're distracted. And distractions, no matter how short, can suffocate a good feeling or idea. Even a 10 second text, can take 10 minutes to get us back to where we were.
I'm reminded of this scene from The Shining. Where Jack gets distracted by his wife who mentions the weather, and offers up a few sandwiches. Maybe Jack could have handled his temper a little better, but the rule still applies. No matter what the interruption is, it will always take time to get back to where you were.
Mornings are important, and really set the tone for the day. So responding to an email which takes care of someone else, before we take care of ourselves, is toxic. Instead, mornings should be all about you. Learning something, reading a book, making art, keeping a journal, etc. Do what's important to you, before you let others in. And if you truly believe your livelihood is dependent on responding to notifications, first thing in the morning. Then you owe it to yourself to wake up an hour earlier, for your soul, not your wallet.
After my social media and notification detox, I decided to remove email from my phone altogether, along with Safari. I realized they weren't necessary. If there's an emergency, I can be called. And Just like that, everything changed. I rediscovered what it felt like to be bored, instead of doing things which masked boredom, and made me feel busy, without ever getting anything done. In place of that time, I found more fulfilling things. Which ultimately lead to a boost of well-being.
Turning off notifications and ending distractions was the lead domino, which set off a chain reaction of happiness. But social media, notifications, the internet, none of these things are bad. They're amazing tools which I still use. I use Facebook and twitter to publish posts like these. And I still check email (twice a day). But the difference is, I no longer allow these things to control how I feel. They work for me now, not the other way around. And now I feel much better.
I know I'm not alone, that's why I'm sharing this. Hope it helps.
Your Friend,
Matthew Cooper
