A Sense of Security
Years ago, I received a discouraging email from someone I know. His email was full of serious talk, suggesting I go back to college and look for a job with a sense of security. Pointing out the unpredictable nature of show business, and how it couldn't promise a steady financial return. This deeply affected me because I'd just turned 20, dropped out of art school, and moved to NYC with no money.
Although I was young and stupid (still am), I wasn't too naive to think I was making the right decision. And it didn't help that I was living next to the projects, in an old factory converted into bedrooms with plaster walls. A place I shared with eight other roommates, and nine cats. To top it off, my building was a known source of a major bedbug epidemic in Brooklyn. So yea, it crossed my mind that I might have made a bad decision.
My feeling of uncertainty doubled when I saw my friends posting photos of their college careers on Facebook. Was I supposed to be doing what they were doing? Should I go back to school? Should I get an office job with health care and benefits?
The first year wasn't easy. Especially when it got hot, and I couldn't afford an air conditioner. As a solution, I started cooling my underwear in the freezer before bed, to lower my temperature enough to fall asleep. That is, if my neighbors didn't throw another weekday party. Otherwise, the bass would vibrate my walls, making it impossible to fall asleep.
(The image above is me in that apartment, on one of those loud nights.)
Thankfully, things have shaped up since then. But that doesn't mean I was right for moving to NYC and taking a risk. My best answer to anything that happens in my life, good or bad, is "who knows? Maybe, maybe not..." Who knows if this thing will turn our to be good or bad. Who's to say what would have been if this, that, or the other thing happened. It's impossible to know how things would have panned out for any circumstance, even if we follow the straight and narrow. So we might as well do what we want, because there's no guarantee anyway. Or as a friend of mine pointed out, you can fail at what you don't like doing too, so you might as well do what you want.
Of course, there are more rational, safer, and time tested methods for getting by in life. At least that's what I used to think. But in my generation, jobs have never been a guarantee. Growing up, I saw adults losing their "secure" office jobs, and finding it difficult to find new ones. Even friends, who spent a lot of time and money getting their degrees, had to move back home and fight off a wall of debt.
Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate the feeling of security. I'd rather feel secure, than feel like I'm bailing out water of a sinking ship my entire life. We all want to feel like we're secure, like we're the captains of our own ship. But we should never forget the powerful and unpredictable nature of the sea. Where at any moment, our sense of security or the illusion of control can be crushed by a midnight storm.
Truth is, I've never felt a sense of security in my job, and never will. Not because of the nature of my job, but because of the nature of nature. But I do feel a sense of security in my life, and in taking responsibility for myself. I feel secure knowing my job is up to me, and the only person who can let me go, is me. I feel secure in knowing that no matter what, there's always a way forward. It may not be ideal, but in someways, the most difficult times in life, give us strength to feel more secure further down the road.
A sense of security is just how we feel, not something a job provides. We should always be aware of how quickly things can be taken from us. And the only thing worth feeling secure about, is our will to do, and to be, whatever we want.
Your friend,
Matthew Cooper
